Frank Confession

She screamed , yelled, said words that shouldn't have been told from the start to her parents. No words could come out from my mouth after that happened. 

She cried as she went outside the house. She cried.

For the first time, all I could think is that she, just doesn't respect and appreciate her parents enough. But what is it the true reason of her to did such an impolite behaviour ?

"She has been that way from years ago. I just couldn't handle it any longer." the maid told me. 

But is it exactly the true fact?

I kept thinking through this day, wondering what reason to turn such a pretty girl into that way.

Since yesterday night she has been emotionally unstable. She has been worrying about our plan. Whenever something screwed it a little bit, she came with a jump of emotion that I never seen before. 

Someone at school has ever told me what she think about her. All I can got is that she's not a so many people's favorite friend.

What I can conclude is that she's afraid. She's scared. She now has friends in hand, and don't want to dissapoint us. I know scared is not an excuse. But for a fragile girl like her? Whenever she tried to look happy in front of us, to look strong, all I can see is that she doesn't want to show the fragile side of her, so everyone would see her as a strong and stubborn girl. But it's not what the real she is. All I can understand now, is that she is afraid of losing anyone who cares enough to her. I don't blame her parents of being busy, and I couldn't blame her too of not being mature enough to accept that. Maybe for average peers in school can't see that, but I do. I do understand her through her fake laugh, to her made up excitement. 

Everytime I saw her with that emptiness in her eyes, all I want to do is to hug her tight. I don't know what to do but just hug her tight enough to let her know, that so many peers at school want to be her friends. I want to drain her fear.

Frankly, if I'm like the other normal friend, I won't look it the same way in the past. But, I did have experience what she feel right now. Afraid of losing someone that deeply care enough about you. 

I wasn't really good at making friends. I'm only close with 3 friends at junior high school for your info. Have so many people hate me in that time, but I used to it. I kept saying that I was strong enough without anyone to myself. 

But it's a lie. 

Sometimes I found myself sitting at the corner of my room, punched myself, and cried. It's a shame to say it here. But no one bother to open this blog anyway. 

I know it's kind of crazy to punch yourself. But that's how I ran from my dissapointment of myself. 

Yeah I did got anxiety problems. And that's what the reason I can't blame her for being that way. 

All I can do is to not stop caring her.

That's all

Maybe, just maybe, she would appreciate her parents, if they gave her another choice, maybe she wouldn't be turned into that way.

Just maybe.